It seems like getting older is less "fun" than it seemed to me as a child. Yes as an adult we get to have spouses and children and "things" that kids can't have, but those things require a lot of work that our younger versions don't expect!
The reality of getting older gets a little more real every time I see the tiredness in my moms eyes and the tremble in my Dad's hands. I am almost to the age that they were when I was born and the time has flown by for me so I am sure to them it has been a whirlwind. You blink and your kids are another year older and your body gains another reminder of your fading youth.
Your parents seem younger than they did when you were a child and you are pretty sure your just telling yourself that because you dread the day that your where they are. The emotional battle we face as we age is not something I look forward to. If I could stand time still indefinitely I might actually choose to keep things the way they are. Keep our parents in relatively good health cling to the grandparents that we have left. Stretch the time we have to visit with those we love without the constant go go go that causes us to unintentionally put time with our family on the short list of priorities.
It breaks my heart to think about how many Fathers Day's I might have left with my Daddy. He has always been such a hard worker and as a child he was just my Daddy but he is getting older as am I and I don't REALLY no him as more than who he is as my father. Even if I did I don't want to reach the day that I don't get to see him on Fathers Day. Who does?!
I am going with my mom to see family in Arkansas this weekend and I want to cherish this time with her because I know that as much as I want to keep her there for me forever, I won't always have her to go see family with and the family we are going to see won't always be there. It is sad that she is going to go and spend the week with her mom and she has to acknowledge that it could be their last. I don't want to be the age that I cling a little tighter each time I say goodbye to my parents.
I know this is quite an intense out pour of emotion for a Tuesday, but today I am going to pick my Dad's mom, my Nanny up from the hospital to stay with us for a couple days. She has been in the hospital since Friday. A couple weeks ago after going to visit her husband 40 miles away in a nursing home she was walking out to her car and fell. After a week of extreme pain they discovered 7 broken ribs and a compress fracture in her lumbar. Due to her falling she is not allowed to go back to her home and has been staying with my Aunt. Unfortunately my Aunts husband had his kidney removed yesterday because of cancer and they will be in the hospital with him this week. While I am grateful to have the opportunity for her to stay with me I hate the circumstances. When I look at all of these circumstances in a small fraction of the lives of my elders it terrifies me.
I know we still have a lot of wonderful things to do as grown ups but I think I would trade them all to avoid the heartache to come. Something about getting older makes me want to run the other way!
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